|
[21 Feb 2003|06:28pm] |
|
and here i will hide
|
(stalk me)
|
|
[08 May 2002|10:13am] |
im glad i can cover this all from your eyes, you only know its there cause i tell you, but you can make it go away, you can forget... i have to look at it everyday and it reminds me of how much i have fallen apart, and it says the one word i could never bring myself to do by my own hand.... not unless you all pushed me away, but you wont do that, even when i try to make you. your words are what keeps me alive, this is where i miss my strength, and i pray to god i never get it cause then nothing will save me. chris, jamil, and gabe when i became your friend i didnt do it thinking it would be some random thing, i knew instantly that i wanted to be close to you. i will not let any of you let go, just as each of you in your own way have not let me.
jamil- i swear you are my light, i was petrified, shit i still am thanks for being selfish, thanks for not wanting me to go. without your love i am truely lost. you have been nothing but a rock for me to lean on. i love you more than a person like me should be allowed to.
chris- we dont talk like we used to, but everyday i think about you and just hope and pray someone will come and show you whats its like to be truely loved. hell if i have to walk there and do it myself i will because face it, get over your shit, you deserve as much love as i do, and you know im convinced i dont deserve any, and if you say i do i must,and the same goes for you. you have brought so much compassion and understanding into my life, and when all else fails you just listen, and sometimes i need that more than anything.
gabe- just me writing your name makes me smile, you are to me what i am to all of my friends. you heal me with laughter and these past few days without you gabe i have stunk at laughing. you have shown me so much, and when you dont show it through me it shines through everyday with sia, so many girls wanna be with you, and even if they dont admit it so many guys wanna be like you. and we have in common how we push people away, well im not gonna let you push me away gabe because you havent me. you took my side in things i never thought you would, and youre only human gabe you cant please everyone the only people you need to please are yourself and sia, the rest of us are along to pick you up when you fall. and even if everyone else throws rocks i will shield you gabe, you have brought so much laughter into my life.
i wouldnt change being a pink lady or alpha female of the wolf pack for anything! us four with our powers combined we're gonna rock it til it dont stop lol!!
AND I WILL KEEP DOING THIS UNTIL ALL THREE OF YOU SEE THE WONDERFUL THINGS THAT I SEE IN EACH OF YOU!!!
ps and if forced i will slap the shit outta you if it helps any!
|
(4 stalkings | stalk me)
|
|
[04 Apr 2002|02:56pm] |
|
been hanging out with my brother and sarah playing spades, and went bowling with carrie last night. decided that with the rest of my tax money im gonna save some of it and have a big fucking party at my brothers house. then im gonna get photoshop, and a digicam, and maybe buy a few months of a paid account.... whatevers left over will be used for the completion of my target hello kitty collection....
|
(stalk me)
|
|
[01 Apr 2002|12:41pm] |
i got my period i got my period!!!!!!! sorry for all you who think im crazy dancing and singing joyously about it!!!!!! but i got it!!!!!!!
YAHOOOIIIIEEEEEEEEEEE!!!
|
(8 stalkings | stalk me)
|
|
[01 Apr 2002|11:42am] |
|
i have some news for everyone!!!! you guys wanna know!!!! huh huh do ya???? ill tell you later!
|
(1 stalking | stalk me)
|
|
[30 Mar 2002|09:50am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 sick |
] |
im still sick, and i still havent gotten my period, but i did talk to chris, and he apologized for everything he said to me. but still.... gawd yesterday sucked so much, i was cranky from being sick and we were at wally world, ghetto fabulous shopping the only place you can buy a ten pack of burritos and an outfit to match, well anyways my sister was trying to move the cart and i was standing there looking at something and she yells at me MOVE, and i was all oh no you didnt, so i walked up got right in her face and said look bitch dont get on my bad side today ill fuck your shit up, my mom was soooooo mad. but i tell you what meggie ignored me for a while but then acted civilized. i was so tired by the end of the day. and then i was falling asleep in my room when chris called.... so i went and hung out with him and we talked. and i got home and josh and sarah were here and i hadnt seen my brother in a few months so i stayed up to talk with them.
and ha, i told my mom my car was low on oil, cause when id get off the highway it would sound awful and drive kinda hard like, and she was all its something with the muffler, i said nah i dont think so, and at this point the oil gauge was really low, and this morning my dad checked it out just to make sure i was right, and sure enough i was. and my mom was all well you should pay more attention to your car, i said what the hell, i told you there was something wrong and exactly what it was and i know absolutly shit about the mechanics of a car, i know how to change tires and oil and thats it i told you exactly what was wrong.... HA HA!!! it feels good being right.
"Bondage is my thing. Bow to me, bitch."What's Your Fetish? Take the test at Nollykin's World
|
(3 stalkings | stalk me)
|
|
[29 Mar 2002|10:27am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 amused |
] |
im still sick and it sucks massively!
my dog bit me yesterday, and now that portion of my hand is all swollen and bruised and it hurts like hell the little fucker... sometimes i just wanna throw him in the street, but then again im against animal cruelty... dogs suck they are stupid attention needy butt sniffing leg humping brain power lacking animals.... now me i would love to bring home a cat, and see my dog try and chase that around, prefferably one not declawed hahahaha... now cats more fit me personality wise... they like to take naps and cough a lot and love their hair to be brushed love to be spoiled love seafood and when they want attention they come in and get it, and they dont need it all the time, and if you dont give it to them when they want it they put their butt in your face until you get the point... isnt it funny.... think about it cats= women dogs= men... i mean seriously if a pretty girl walks into a room the instant reaction is equivilant to that man humping her leg... and honestly for a little love and attention sometimes we have to demand it, even if we have to stick our butts in their faces.... im sure i could go into further detail but it will only be a downward spiral from this point. and quite honestly if we could lick ourselves like our animal counterparts the world would be such a nice place.....
|
(stalk me)
|
| TODAYS LYRICAL COMPARISONS TO MY LIFE COME FROM TOOL ENJOY! |
[29 Mar 2002|10:00am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 blah |
] |
HOW I FEEL TODAY:
Forty-Six & 2
My shadow's
Shedding skin and
I've been picking
Scabs again.
I'm down
Digging through
My old muscles
Looking for a clue.
I've been crawling on my belly
Clearing out what could've been.
I've been wallowing in my own confused
And insecure delusions
For a piece to cross me over
Or a word to guide me in.
I wanna feel the changes coming down.
I wanna know what I've been hiding in
My shadow.
Change is coming through my shadow.
My shadow's shedding skin
I've been picking
My scabs again.
I've been crawling on my belly
Clearing out what could've been.
I've been wallowing in my own chaotic
And insecure delusions.
I wanna feel the change consume me,
Feel the outside turning in.
I wanna feel the metamorphosis and
Cleansing I've endured within
My shadow
Change is coming.
Now is my time.
Listen to my muscle memory.
Contemplate what I've been clinging to.
Forty-six and two ahead of me.
I choose to live and to
Grow, take and give and to
Move, learn and love and to
Cry, kill and die and to
Be paranoid and to
Lie, hate and fear and to
Do what it takes to move through.
I choose to live and to
Lie, kill and give and to
Die, learn and love and to
Do what it takes to step through.
See my shadow changing,
Stretching up and over me.
Soften this old armor.
Hoping I can clear the way
By stepping through my shadow,
Coming out the other side.
Step into the shadow.
Forty six and two are just ahead of me.
( more lyrical nonsense )
|
(stalk me)
|
|
[28 Mar 2002|04:55pm] |
well my peeps im out!
jamil and beth thanks for everything today!!!!!
|
(stalk me)
|
|
[28 Mar 2002|01:33pm] |
|
i wonder what is going on for easter!!!!!
|
(stalk me)
|
| A POEM |
[28 Mar 2002|10:18am] |
Lost In Your Arms
light the candle, start the fire,
our souls are burning with desire.
saliva dripping as we kiss,
sighs fall as we go through this.
play the music, sing your song,
notes of love never go wrong.
touch my body with your hands,
teach me love from across this land.
feel my breath against your face,
as we meet between this space.
drink the water, better if it's wine,
come inside and feel divine.
bring the stars, bring the night,
dance under the moon, make love by its light.
spout your poetry on the shore,
fell the waves crash as i scream for more.
let your body linger with mine,
lick everywhere our bodies met, truely sublime.
kiss my lips in haste,
mine is yours to taste.
make it slow, make it real,
open my love, and let me feel.
heated breaths, world of sighs,
harmony between my thighs, my soul flies,
the sun begins to rise.
hold me close, let me whipser into your ear,
i love you dear.
by:LL'00
|
(2 stalkings | stalk me)
|
|
[27 Mar 2002|05:28pm] |
well all i have to go now! again...
have fun kiddies!!!
|
(stalk me)
|
|
[27 Mar 2002|05:25pm] |
|
so i have reported spark and if anyone would like to add their two cents at the abuse@livejournal.com team it would be much appreciated. im quite tired of not updating in my original journal!
|
(stalk me)
|
|
[27 Mar 2002|05:13pm] |
|
well chris came over... and well hes convinced that im gonna try to fuck him over, honestly i want nothing to do with him, if things turn out the way i am worried they will i wont be around here and i dont want his name trailing along behind me. he has nothing to offer me or anyone else for that matter. his gf broke up with him, can i predict his life or what. so now i sit and wait.....
|
(2 stalkings | stalk me)
|
|
[27 Mar 2002|02:15pm] |
DAS RIGHT AND IMMA BUST SOME ASS!!
|
(stalk me)
|
|
[27 Mar 2002|11:08am] |
|
sarahs pregnant and lets just put it this way my brother cant have kids.... im really confused about this, cause i know had she been sober it never would have happened and im really worried cause if he divorces her and takes her kids she'll kill herself.... i mean i told her no matter what happens or where she goes im gonna be there, and she was nice enough to buy me a test. supposedly im not pregnant, but wheres my period? it seems to have gone missing. if anyone sees it will you direct it this way please!! thank you!
|
(1 stalking | stalk me)
|
|
[26 Mar 2002|01:56pm] |
|
some freaky shit is goin down i need to leave!!! youll all know in a day or so....
|
(stalk me)
|
|
[26 Mar 2002|12:37pm] |
|
i think im gonna go hang out at sarahs house today, i dont want to be at home at all, cause i know the minute my dad gets home it'll be blah blah did you find a job... no i didnt cause really im not looking, and i dont give a fuck right now... im not worried about being employee of the century, i am worried about getting my left hemisphere and my right hemisphere back together to be able to think with one full brain again....
|
(3 stalkings | stalk me)
|
|
[26 Mar 2002|10:51am] |
i am really not having a good day... im sick, and quite frankly i dont want to be happy... i want to be that person in my dreams who slices her wrists and lays in a tub of blood, with the water still running, as it cascades over the sides, with no one to to find, and no one to care... it would be so much simpler then....
nobody is the same to me anymore, people who i thought were my friends have turned their backs, so here i show my face. rebuked by the coldness of peoples hearts. and i cry, fingers pulling up words in a blur... i want to die... to kill whatever it is that has taken hold of me. i want to disappear in the wind.
why must i still hurt so much?
|
(6 stalkings | stalk me)
|
|
[25 Mar 2002|04:35pm] |
|
well all! im off to go get jake, and help him find an appt...
|
(stalk me)
|
|
[25 Mar 2002|03:49pm] |
|
well chris is officaly freaked that im pregnant, honestly i dont know what to think, and hes all what if you are? well if i am i am and thats the way it goes, and he doesnt have to have any part in it. i dont believe i am, im 5 days late the latest ive ever been, and hes all well either of cant afford it, and i was like well i cant afford anything, what makes you think i can afford an abortion? its out of the question anyways, i dont agree with abortion, it may be for others and i believe its your right to chose but its not for me... and hes all like well this wont stay secret forever, and im just like well honestly if you dont want this to be about you it doesnt have to, i know youll hang out with me and the baby(if i have one) and still be able to keep it to yourself, and if youre afraid you cant then dont come around, it makes no difference to me, and i cant get mad cause it all comes back to me. well anyways i honestly think its a cycle change, but he freaks me out about it. and i told him the only time the secret would ever get out is when his kid is old enough to want to and to know who his daddy is. i havent even taken a test, and i wont til the end of the first week of april. if i havent gotten my shit by then which im sure i will. and honestly why the hell is he having unprotected sex if he is just gonna sit and worry about this shit? i mean really if it turns out i am pregnant ill do what i have to, and i told him he doesnt have to have any part in it, theres no we in it if hes gonna worry about his own selfish gain...
|
(stalk me)
|
|
[25 Mar 2002|03:27pm] |
oh my god chris got his ass kicked by his supposed gf, and hes still with her and he almost broke her nose. and now they are trying to work things out, hahahaha this is so gonna be like soap opera drama.....
and im late.....
|
(3 stalkings | stalk me)
|
|
[25 Mar 2002|02:49pm] |
|
so anyways as i was saying... this weekend was fun, jake and i got together, and he spent the weekend here. my mom and i went shopping and bought all kinds of things for easter. she got me a hello kitty hat and a key chain with her dressed as a frog and a little bag with hello kitty bracelets. and i looked through to see what else they had, and found bed sets and all kinds of awesome stuff, i just have this feeling that every where you go with me around hello kitty shall be found :)
|
(stalk me)
|
|
[25 Mar 2002|02:26pm] |
today i got asked what my biggest pet peeve was:
quite honestly its stupid people, ignorance is bliss my ass!!!! thats just what stupid people want you to believe so that they can control your minds, but i refuse to give into any of it.
and if i have to be driven into the far corners of lj lnad to get away from ignorance than i shall. cause quite honestly im tired of it. so here i am in my little haven that i created long ago, for just this particular purpose.
|
(4 stalkings | stalk me)
|
|
[21 Feb 2002|02:43pm] |
|
well here i am, trying to figure myself out... i have really come to a turning point in my life, seeing whos gonna stay and whos gonna go really... im so tired of people telling me how to live my own life, im 20 years old i can do that on my own thank you. and yet im so lost, not knowing where to turn. and i try to play everyones set role for me, but i cant do it anymore, i cant find myself when im being sucked into their altered realities. and i dont know how to deal with myself, and i get upset... and i do things to myself and others that i dont like, i need to step back and evaluate who i am, and what i am doing before i jump in and play this game of life....
|
(2 stalkings | stalk me)
|
| navigation |
| [ |
viewing |
| |
most recent entries |
] |
|
|
|
|
![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small}
likuidlaytex's journal
